unusual things
9.01.98
Each year at this time the Tropic of
Cancer hurls wetness our way, the deserts boil it, and we
scurry around underneath, perplexed. Different ions are in the air. Danger
lurks. Somewhere a dog is barking. We get edgy and
prepare for change, shifting our weight from one leg of
the annual journey to the other and letting go of balance
just long enough to allow unusual behavior.
For example, Viv went grocery shopping
this evening. To have her do the shopping is to invite
chaos over for coffee. I've never been able to distill
the results of her shopping into any logical system of
supply that actually satisfies need. She'll go to the
store in search of ingredients for a meal and she'll come
home with a dream, a plan, a scheme, a whole new regimen
for a lifestyle she saw in some article like "Eat
With Your Brain" or "Tomorrow's Colon",
knowing full well that next week when I do the REAL
shopping I'm gonna come back with chicken and rice and
broccoli and all the other regular stuff that we eat.
This means I'll have to cram the lettuce and tomatoes I
buy somewhere in between the hummus and sprouted
faloombwehbweh she bought, and then - bang - it's
Refrigereator Space Wars.
Tonight after she got home, as we were
unloading the packages of frozen paqalinacheewah root,
she launched into a tirade about the evils of
Supermarkets Themselves, their insidious campaigns to
place advertising into every inch of our field of vision,
even on the rubber dividers in the checkout line, and
what's with this club membership crap - why don't they
just sell it to us at a fair price instead of gouging us
so they can put up fancier displays to sell us crap
that's marked up even more and why should I have to swipe
this card and then show them this other card why don't
they do the work instead of me who's paying for all this
in the first place and doesn't this make you mad...
Ions, man. Weird ions in the air.
As the one who does pretty much all the
grocery shopping I told her I sympathized but, as a
forty-one-year-old, I've decided to pick my fights and
this just wasn't one of 'em.
Immediately I knew it was a mistake not to
share her outrage, but by that point I'd stated my
position. There was no going back.
Sensing that I would not be joining her in
a search for torches and rope, she quietly finished
putting away the tofu-furters and rice milk. I went into
the living room to cue up Good Will Hunting, the video
we'd rented for our viewing pleasure this fine evening.
So, we sit down to watch it, she unwraps a
Fudgsicle, and then proceeds to call it what she has
called it for the twenty years that I've known her - a
"Fudgicle".
"Viv. It's 'Fudgsicle'. Not
'Fudgicle'."
"Fudgicle."
"You don't say 'Popicle', you say
'Popsicle', right?"
"I say 'Fudgicle'."
Twenty years, kids.
There's a scene in Good Will Hunting where
Robin Williams is telling Matt Damon that it's the little
things, the idiosyncrasies in a relationship that make
them special, sublime and intimate. He waxes nostalgic
about the depth of feeling for the simplest of details.
This point is not lost on me. As a forty-one-year-old man
who picks his fights I've decided to compromise.
I leaned over and assured her that no
matter how mistaken she may be in her pronunciation, no
matter how much embarrassment it may cause in social
situations, from now on she should feel free to call them
"Chocolate Flavored Frozen Dairy Desserts On A
Stick" and there wouldn't be a problem.
She offered no rebuttal. She just looked
back at me in her own special way, sublime and intimate.
Somewhere a dog was barking.
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Today's
Music:
"Teach Me Tonight" --
The Jimmy McGriff and Hank Crawford Quartet -- RIGHT
TURN ON BLUE
Wisdom of the Day:
"When a match has equal partners,
then I fear not."
- Aeschylus, Prometheus Bound
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